Years ago, back in the Scarlett & Rhett days, people chose to hide their crazy family members from the public eye. They viewed these family members as a disgrace and an embarassment. I'm a nurse who works with, shall we say, "special people" and I often get an up close view of some really hilarious things.
I have to honor HIPAA, so I will name this first patient "Patty". Patty is, as we say, happily confused. She remembers the days of running with her Beau and decided that I would be the lucky person to share her most intimate thoughts with. This weekend I heard the tale of playing hide and seek on the side of Hwy 64......... naked. Unfortunately for me, Patty thought she was still 24 with a slim and trim body. Even more unfortunate for me, Patty, who is in her late 80's, thought I needed to view her abundant nakedness. Upon entering Patty's room I hear giggling, then I see her peeking around her curtain; then it happens...... BAM! Naked Patty right there in my face. I bet the look on my face was priceless.
This patient we shall call "Jane". You've heard of dirty old men? Well, this is the female form. I am blessed with a great staff of CNA's and it so happens 2 of my CNA's are males. Saturday was Jane's bath day and 1 of my male CNA's was escorting her to the shower room. I bet you already see this coming don't you? About 10 minutes later I hear this high pitched squeal/yell/scream. So I take off flying to the shower room. Would you believe the noise was from my CNA? Yup. Old Mrs. D done put the moves on the boy and had grabbed his.....uh...well..... bit and pieces. Talk about a priceless look! My CNA was so shook up I had to send him to take a break. All day long he could be seen mumbling to himself and shaking his head. I bet he has nightmares for months and will need some intensive therapy.
My last story is about a little man I'll call Sammy. Sammy isn't one of my patients but I know him because he is extremely social. He'll come to the nurses station just to talk and is just so adorable. Sunday evening Sammy comes rolling down the hall in his wheelchair with some flowers in his hand. "There are for the most beautiful nurse here". Figuring this new little crush comes from the chocolate ice cream I snuck him at lunch, I accept his flowers and give him a peck on his cheek. As I straighten up, I notice Sammys belly is pointy. I'm curious about the pointy-ness and asked Sammy what he had in his shirt. "Aw taint nothing" and then he giggled. Oh no. Another giggler. I have a flash back to yesterday and brace myself for the worst and ask Sammy to lift his shirt. My sweet little man had gone up and down the hall collecting everyones ice cream off of their trays and stuffing them down his shirt for later. I explain to Sammy that so much ice cream isn't good for him and take him back to his nurse. I can tell Sammy is miffed at me, especially when he looks me in the eyes and tells me he stole the flowers too! So much for love and crushes.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
What is the secret of life?
Isn't it funny that humankind, for years, has asked what the secret of life is? Sure, tons of money would be fun, but money can't make you laugh, it can't hold you when you cry, it can't listen to your horrible knock knock jokes, it can't dream dreams with you and somehow or other when you need it most; its never there. So let's think a minute. What is the secret of life.........
Friendship! Ta da, I've solved the mystery now go tell all your friends! Oh. So you need me to prove it? Fine then.
Lets talk about exhibit A. This person stays in the house 95% of her life. You can ask her to go out somewhere with you, but she always refuses because she "doesnt' feel good". Staying in the house equals no outside communication, which equals no one to talk to but the voices in your head this equals NO friends, which in turn equals depression; which is SO not the secret of life!!!!
Exhibit B is a workaholic who has no time for anything but work and sleep. When asked to do something fun, Ms Workaholic is too tired thus NO friends, which equals unhappy which is SO not the secret of life!!! ( I can see you through this monitor, you've just discovered I am a genius, its okay, some people are a little slow)
Exhibit C comes home from work, plops in his recliner, talks about how tired he is, talks about his aches and pains, gas prices are up, the stocks are down, which really doesn't matter because you are too poor to invest anyway, waaa waa boo hoo. Clearly this dude has no friends because he is just too depressing and no one wants to take a chance because, well, suicide rates are high and you just don't want to add to the problem.
Exhibit D goes to see her friends at Off the Beaded Path in Forest City at least twice a week during Summer and 4 times a week during the school year. Her friends (notice the word FRIENDS) Kelly, Sammy, Patty, Darlene & Connie are usually there and once Exhibit D shows up the family seems complete. The walls of the OTBP store ripple with laughter and the occasional chorus of "Who let the dogs out". The friends work hard together packaging up merchandise in a sweat shop fashion. When customers walk in they are always greeted with a smile and offers of assistance and always walk out knowing they've been touched by the secret of life.
So, I've proven my case. If you're still not a believer, come to 120 W. Trade St in Forest City NC and I will put you to work packaging some of the tiniest components you've ever seen while softly singing Who let the dogs out in your ear.
Friendship! Ta da, I've solved the mystery now go tell all your friends! Oh. So you need me to prove it? Fine then.
Lets talk about exhibit A. This person stays in the house 95% of her life. You can ask her to go out somewhere with you, but she always refuses because she "doesnt' feel good". Staying in the house equals no outside communication, which equals no one to talk to but the voices in your head this equals NO friends, which in turn equals depression; which is SO not the secret of life!!!!
Exhibit B is a workaholic who has no time for anything but work and sleep. When asked to do something fun, Ms Workaholic is too tired thus NO friends, which equals unhappy which is SO not the secret of life!!! ( I can see you through this monitor, you've just discovered I am a genius, its okay, some people are a little slow)
Exhibit C comes home from work, plops in his recliner, talks about how tired he is, talks about his aches and pains, gas prices are up, the stocks are down, which really doesn't matter because you are too poor to invest anyway, waaa waa boo hoo. Clearly this dude has no friends because he is just too depressing and no one wants to take a chance because, well, suicide rates are high and you just don't want to add to the problem.
Exhibit D goes to see her friends at Off the Beaded Path in Forest City at least twice a week during Summer and 4 times a week during the school year. Her friends (notice the word FRIENDS) Kelly, Sammy, Patty, Darlene & Connie are usually there and once Exhibit D shows up the family seems complete. The walls of the OTBP store ripple with laughter and the occasional chorus of "Who let the dogs out". The friends work hard together packaging up merchandise in a sweat shop fashion. When customers walk in they are always greeted with a smile and offers of assistance and always walk out knowing they've been touched by the secret of life.
So, I've proven my case. If you're still not a believer, come to 120 W. Trade St in Forest City NC and I will put you to work packaging some of the tiniest components you've ever seen while softly singing Who let the dogs out in your ear.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Hello World! This is my very first blog. I've never thought of blogging before, but my good friend Sammy encouraged me to start one, so here I am.
I've titled my blog "these wonderful crazy days" because not many people realize that these days are indeed wonderful-- even if they are a little crazy! Remember back about 10 years ago to something that was happening in your life. At that time I bet you were thinking about the "good ol days". Well guess what? In 5 years these wonderful crazy days will be the good ol days! 10 years ago I was undergoing some very intense and very painful fertility treatments. At that time, my life was horrible and I would never want to relive that time period. BUT! Out of that hardship came 2 of the most wonderful children God ever created. My twins are an awesome blessing to me and without that little spot of hardship, I wouldn't be the happy blessed Mom that I am now.
So, yeah, the economy stinks, its hot, its dry, the beach is 5 hours away, theres never enough time in the day, you have to work, everyone wants a piece of your time........ need I go on? After you think of the minuses, I encourage you to think of the pluses. Do you have a roof over your head? Obviously you have a computer or you couldn't read this, therefore you also have power and more than likely running water. Guess what? You just topped a good part of the world. We have it all! If you don't believe me, hug your children, your husband, your friends. Say I love you and listen with your heart. Look at the United States flag and think of that soldier who fought for you even though they don't know you. The good ol days are here, all you need to do is look.
I've titled my blog "these wonderful crazy days" because not many people realize that these days are indeed wonderful-- even if they are a little crazy! Remember back about 10 years ago to something that was happening in your life. At that time I bet you were thinking about the "good ol days". Well guess what? In 5 years these wonderful crazy days will be the good ol days! 10 years ago I was undergoing some very intense and very painful fertility treatments. At that time, my life was horrible and I would never want to relive that time period. BUT! Out of that hardship came 2 of the most wonderful children God ever created. My twins are an awesome blessing to me and without that little spot of hardship, I wouldn't be the happy blessed Mom that I am now.
So, yeah, the economy stinks, its hot, its dry, the beach is 5 hours away, theres never enough time in the day, you have to work, everyone wants a piece of your time........ need I go on? After you think of the minuses, I encourage you to think of the pluses. Do you have a roof over your head? Obviously you have a computer or you couldn't read this, therefore you also have power and more than likely running water. Guess what? You just topped a good part of the world. We have it all! If you don't believe me, hug your children, your husband, your friends. Say I love you and listen with your heart. Look at the United States flag and think of that soldier who fought for you even though they don't know you. The good ol days are here, all you need to do is look.
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